I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
