No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
