i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
