This girl is more easily done than said...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
