Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
