i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
