You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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