Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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