the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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