You're so nebulous sometimes
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
