So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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