I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just had sex bonerless
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
