how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
