I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
