and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Found your dick twin last night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
