yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
