conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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