And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
