I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
