currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
