During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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