Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
