but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i would punch a child for taco bell
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
