Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
