look no pants
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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