Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
