Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
