What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
