listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
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