I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
