if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
