I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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