I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
