Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Someone signed my nipple.
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