dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
