I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
