Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
