You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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