I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
