what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
