I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
