Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
