I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
