he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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