Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
