i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
