Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
