guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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