just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
