TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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